Tolkien. (that's who is in the picture). Imagination.

So, I've been reading G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy, something I have attempted many times, but I haven't actually finished because of... well, school reading. So, Chesterton's got me thinking. He says what keeps sane people from insanity is imagination. It is the attempt to rationalize everything that drives you crazy. I agree with him. And somehow being justified in my imagination is something that I need (especially right now).

It is good for my little mind to think of my life as a story. It is good for my camera for me to see beauty all around . And I think all of those memories that I hold on so dearly to have sparked my imagination. (I remember being in the mountains for close to a week with my siblings, and reading a Narnia book while lying on the moss on the forest floor - some part of me remains on that forest floor). The stories that have meant so much to me were epics (I love lord of the Rings... I think I have read it two or three times front to back, And there was one friend at Upward Bound in Austria who said to me "We get to play lord of the rings again today!!"). There is more to life than the mundane. Imagination has the power to bring color and energy to the life. I want to make so many more beautiful memories with friends. I want to be silly and run around in the fog. I want to take pictures of random things (which pretty much describes today!)

Oh the people in my life...

are great, what can I say? Those people that tolerate my cheekiness in class, my tears in homegroup, my neat-freakiness at home, my sense of silliness anywhere else. How I could I live without them. Honestly. Because I feel like I am completely dry of any deep profound thoughts, this is what I am thinking right now: Some times I feel dumb that I am me. I don't know if anyone would get that. But I sure am weird.
I'll let you analyze the data:
- I am turning 23 this year and have never had a boyfriend
- I started castrating calves when I was twelve years old (maybe this one has something to do with the first one).
- I have a tropical plant named Wesley.
- I buy cut flowers for myself
- I actually enjoy running in the rain (today is perfect!)
- I dance like a ballerina in my house
- The radio stations currently programmed on my car radio: classic rock, pop, contemporary rock, classical, christian, and country. I mean, who listens to those?
- I have a giant purple ball that I am staring at right now that is covered in nipples
- I asked the pharmacist for emergency contraception yesterday (this is weird, yet again, looking at the first note)
- My public high school graduating class consisted of nine people (and I was valedictorian YIPEE!)
- I have hiked and snowboarded in the Alps
- I like owning an orchid, it's the only plant that dies if you water it, but keeps going if you never water it
- I see naked people all the time at work

Yep, I'm weird.

God, I am sick of snow and cold. I feel like a wall of ice is separating me from the fresh energy and new life of spring. I feel like hibernating until I wake up and things are warm. Am I suffering from seasonal affected disorder? Maybe. Or maybe it is just that I want to skip the gray cold lifeless parts of life to come even faster to the good times. I know that you are changing me more than ever right now. I can feel my passion for you and your word and your people growing, but still, God, why are your lessons so hard?

Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

I guess underneath all that snow is the promise of life. Last Wednesday when it snowed it felt like I was underneath a huge white down comforter, I felt completely protected and surrounded. Maybe the gray cold is more like a crysallis, a cocoon, and I am in the middle of metamorphsis. I have this problem of not being able to see what God is doing while I am in the middle of his latest scheme. But I have confidence that a few months from now, hindsight will be (as always) 20/20.

So the time has come again! Jessica and I will be making another turkey on January 26th. For Thanksgiving we had a very limited invitation-only dinner. This time, we are making the invitation open to who ever.

There is a catch - cost of admission is some sort of food item. We are hoping for a TON of people to come... but a few catches, I haven't checked the youth schedule and I actually haven't invited anyone yet. heheheheheehe. It will all work out. Anyway, expect an invitation soon.

Snow Day!

So, I'm a clean freak. After one of my coffee dates with a friend from school fell through because of the crappy roads, I decided that I was going to clean! Somehow it feels good to have everything organized and tidy. As if I wasn't domestic enough, the snow has kept Jessica and I both in the house today. I am such a nerd. But maybe cleanliness is next to godliness.... (hehehehehe)

My Sister

I wanted to wait until I was home in Langley to write about my Christmas holiday. I had a good time, but stuff with my sister has been hard. It's been months of agony for my parents and family near home. One night in October, Rachel (my sister) had snuck out, walked a mile or two, and met some guy she met on the internet to have sex. My parents found out through some notes she had written to a friend that were in her pocket. That was the first of the struggles. We have all been eager to put the past behind us, repent, forgive and move on. Rachel had been doing a good job of rebuilding trust in our family, but the holiday has shown that her heart has not changed.

The last phone bill showed that my sister had been calling a guy in Edmonton. Only in the Edler house do phone bills lead to prayer meetings. We gathered around my sister to pray for her. Every few days there is another temper tantrum, or set of lies that have become transparent that all lead to big discussions at home. Rachel is using her cellphone to sex-text (textmessage sex talk) two guys.

Just one example of the many battles we have had:
My dad took her cellphone away Wednesday night so she could sleep instead of text all night. Thursday she hid the phone. I decided that I was going to stay awake all night until we found the phone. She finally gave in and gave my dad the phone and started scream "YOU DON'T TRUST ME." I have never been more angry in my life. I threw her down to the bed and screamed at her through my tears "WE DON'T TRUST YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT TRUSTWORTHY" (if you knew my sister, you would be surprised, she is much stronger than I am). She started screaming and yelling that she was going to leave, but I held her down. She was begging my mom to kick her out of the house.

By that time my mom was in tears and saying "I don't even know what to do." We phoned an elder from our church, John, who is also a neighbour, Special Constable in the RCMP, and a friend. After long talks, some conclusions were made... my parents have to do what is right for their daughter (such as take the cellphone away until the Holy Spirit tells my dad it is time to give it back, phone the school to make sure Rachel does not have internet access). And Rachel can leave anytime she wants when she is legally an adult (For Rachel that means March 11 - her eighteenth birthday).

That night I slept in Rachel's room as 'gatekeeper' so she wouldn't run. I didn't sleep. I had visions of demons introducing themselves to me. I felt like at any moment Rachel was going to attack me. Rachel told my mom the next morning that she had seen a dark figure before her eyes got used to the dark. The whole time I was home, I could feel the spiritual battle in my house in a way that I have never felt before. I had nightmares of lots of dark things when I was home. Rachel told me, "There are voices in my head that tell me you don't love me."

Rachel, in her most lucid moments admits to a lot, like "I haven't been happy since I had sex with that guy. I am sad all the time. I don't like that everyone treats me different." But there are other times that you can literally see her eyes go murky and her lip turns pouty, she will lie, she will manipulate you, and will also have tantrums like a child.

Darkness has surrounded her whole life. As a baby, her mother almost killed her, and then ended up in jail, where she had my other adopted brother, Daniel. When we first adopted Rachel at two years old, she would scream and crawl the walls in her nightmares. My parents have prayed over her life many sleepless nights. After a happy childhood in my family, she is now at the time when she will decide the road she will travel.

It was not a mistake that we got Rachel (and Dan for that matter), and it is not a mistake that she got us. It is a rough chapter, but I don't know the end of this. The light has already conquered the darkness. And God is still good. I see it in the laughter of my brothers with some stupid joke they have made. I see it with our cattle in Alberta and the prairie that stretches forever and the space to breathe. I see it in the rain in Langley and the joy of coming back to Trinity for my last semester. And I thank God that I can come home to Langley and finally sleep without nightmares. Pray for my family.

And my constant companion...

I have been playing violin a lot, especially during the holidays. My favourite: playing violin with my sister-in-law playing piano (she has her masters in piano performance).

Oh, and I'm half-finished reading The Da Vinci Code. I can't seem to put it down...

I can't help myself

I can't help myself. This place is beautiful. I am blessed to grow up in a place that allowed me the space to run free. These are some of the pictures I took today.

An old windmill from a house about a mile from ours.
A tractor that I used to drive to swath the field. I think the thing should be in some sort of museum.
Oh one of those painted red farm buildings. This one houses one of our wells.
Oh, and the bales of straw.

Oh the Farm

The old threshing machine





Our ancient snowmobile: The evinrude

Hospital Christmas

So, in keeping with some wacky traditions, we had a theme dinner for Christmas, and it was my turn to plan. It took me since the summer to nab enough stuff from the hospital to make it work. I'm going to attempt to load some pics.

oh no I've caved

Some part of me can't believe I've joined the infinite cyber community as another blogger. A little history on my blog experience - after a long semester I found I spent a lot of time flipping through the blogs of friends. The blogging universe is crazy because you can click on blogs of people that you don't know, and end up looking at pictures of people that you do know, but you didn't know that they knew those other people that you don't know but people you know know those other people. So I guess I'm just adding to the mess... But one thing that I find redeemable, I'm an obsessive journaler. I journal almost everyday. Oh, and I just bought a friend's camera with high hopes that I will one day be a closet photographer (what traveler hasn't always dreamed of taking pictures for National Geographic).

So I hope you enjoy reading what I write, and laughing at the strange humor that can only exist in a prairie farm traveler nurse.